Streamline Your Morning with Mary

InStyle Magazine has an article on 10 ways to streamline your morning. When it suggested something that required a $78 headband I knew this article was written just for me.

My favorite tip was on Sunday night when I go over my calendar for the week (let’s see Monday go to work, Tuesday go to work …) I should pick out my outfits for each day and put them at the front of my closet with a DIY tag labeling what day that outfit is to be worn. You know I’m way too busy on Sunday night being depressed that it’s Sunday night to go over my calendar and pick out my wardrobe.

You really want to streamline your morning here are my top 10 tips:

1. Hit your snooze alarm until when you finally get out of bed you only have 5 minutes to get ready. No time to dilly-dally.

2. Sleep in the outfit you are going to wear the next day … sure you’ll look like a mess but you have streamlined your morning.

3. Drink a gallon of water before you go to bed … you will get up really fast in the morning (and probably a couple times before then too).

4. Sleep with a dog that hogs the bed so when you wake up you are clinging to the edge of the mattress for dear life.

5. Fix your breakfast the night before and have it at the kitchen table. Sure that cereal will be soggy, the oatmeal cold, the toast hard, the OJ warm but hey its the price you pay for a streamline morning.

6. Eat that breakfast in the shower — yummy soap on toast

7. Set out everything you need to take with you the night before. This will allow you that extra time to look for your keys that you are sure you put right there last night.

8. Spend five minutes each morning meditating this will calm you down for 1 minute and then you’ll spend the next 4 minutes meditating on how late you are running

9. Explain to your dog that you can only allot her 7 minutes in the morning to get her business done. She will understand and will be totally cooperative. No really.

10. Don’t write a blog that you post on every morning. It will only derail you from that train we call streamline. Once you sit at the computer you’ll be checking your Facebook account, your Twitter account (@swellgalmary), your emails (mary@maryhirsch.net), going on YouTube to watch something stupid.

Well I hope I have helped you in your quest for a better morning. Now get yourself a $78 headband and get moving.

I Don’t Want To Go To School Mom

Boy was it hard to get out of bed today.  I pushed that snooze button over and over again.  Even Freckles didn’t want to get out of bed — of course Freckles never wants to get out of bed until she hears me pour food into her dish.  Nothing gets a body moving like a bowl of meat by-products.

In my next life I want to be a bear and sleep all winter and wake-up in the spring.  Of course there would be those pesky hunters who want to kill me for fun, those crazy philosophers who keep asking if I poop in the woods (like, duh, is the Pope Catholic?) and those creeps who want to capture me and make me wear funny clothes and do stupid things in a circus.  Where are the hunters when you need them?

Back On Line — Boy Am I Spoiled

I finally am back on line.  I did all the usual steps when I can’t get on line and nothing worked.  Sat on hold for 40 minutes waiting for Comcast to tell me it’s not their fault and transfer me to Apple.  The wonderful woman at Apple got me up and running in about 5 minutes.  I love Apple.

So yesterday I’m at the grocery store and I remembered its resolution time.  I stopped making resolutions — well the traditional resolutions (I’ll lose weight, exercise, get taller, keep my condo clean, find a cure for cancer, and be nominated for a Nobel prize in physics).  This blog I guess is my New Year’s resolution.  Actually its my need to do something other than work, walk the dog, and watch television.  It is so easy to get in a rut.

I love to write but I come home and say “Oh I’m too tired to write.”  You know it’s not like I was out pulling a plow or digging ditches or chasing children for 8 hours.  I sit in an office at a computer and every once in a while I have to walk from the 16th floor to the 15th floor and then back up the stairs, but that’s about it.  The truth is not that I’m too tired, its just easier to lay on the couch with Freckles and watch whatever is on.  So I’m hoping that this blog will inspire me to do even more writing.

So back to the whole grocery store and I remembered its resolution time — I got sidetracked as usual (shiny object, shiny object) — the first of the year you will always find the Lean Cuisine on sale, along with other “diet” products.  Every other commercial is either for Alli, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Lifetime Fitness, or some other weight loss/get in shape project.  Having been overweight all my life, and having lost as much as 100 pounds at one time, I can tell you what the secret to weight loss is — being happy, creative, and liking yourself.  If you don’t like yourself at 280 pounds, you aren’t going to like yourself at 120 pounds — I guarantee it.

Okay, I’m going to spend the day picking up — I have a tendency to let things fall and stay.  I even bought a gift wrap organizer to put my leftover Christmas paper in.  Maybe this is the year I get organized — oh I crack myself up.

Have a good Sunday.

Good Grief It’s Cold Out There (and in here)

I believe if you look closely you will see ice hanging from my eye lashes.  Those aren’t dark circles under my eyes — they are small skating rinks.  And yes I slept in my sweatshirt.

It’s approximately 80 degrees below outside and not that much warmer in my place. To take Freckles out for a walk I wore two pairs of socks, two pairs of pants, my nightgown, and a sweatshirt all under a gigantic down coat. I felt like Randy in “A Christmas Story.”  If I fell I would never get up but on the plus side with all that padding I probably wouldn’t break my hip.

Today I am going to the funeral of my friend Geri’s mother. Last Saturday I went to the funeral of my friend Mary’s mother. I hope to lay around on the couch next Saturday. They are dropping like flies. The church where the funeral for Geri’s mom is being held has had something like 20 people die in the past 2 weeks. It’s like O’Hara airport on a holiday — they are circling the sanctuary for a chance to land. Geri said the poor woman who assists with funerals in going crazy.

Okay, I have to go and put on my funeral outfit. Have a good day and stay warm.

January 1, 2010


Happy New Year!!!!!

This morning I woke up and saw myself in the mirror and thought: 1) OMG*; 2) I should take a picture of this; and 3) boy do I have to pee. So after taking care of Mother Nature’s call (and she seems to be calling way too often lately) I went to my computer and took this picture using Photo Booth, an application that allows you not just to take a picture of yourself and/or friends but let’s you manipulate it in ways that make you look like any day you will be appearing on Criminal Minds. Then as I brushed my teeth the idea came to M.E. for this blog.

I’ve wanted to do a blog for a long time, but had nothing different to offer so I didn’t do it — that and the fact that I kept procrastinating — but now I have something different to offer, and pictures of M.E. are very, very different.

So here I am, starting the new year with my first picture and my morning thoughts. I hope you will come along with M.E., and maybe respond with your own morning picture and thoughts.

Let’s hope 2010 is a good year because to be honest, and hopefully not piss off last year’s karma, 2009 pretty much sucked.

Good morning world, it’s M.E. (Mary Elizabeth).

(*OMG = Oh Mary’s Gorgeous)