And All Comedians Rejoice!!!!

Donald-TrumpDonald Trump is thinking of running for president saying that he could have beaten President Obama both times — with his hands tied behind his back — which I’ve heard is something he enjoys.  He also is sure he could have done a better job winning WWII than Dwight Eisenhower; could have brought on a depression faster than Herbert Hoover; and would have been impeached sooner than Richard Nixon.

 

Sarah Palin is also thinking about running for president in 2016. I hear she said she would know for sure in two years. Based on this photo:

PALIN

we can see what her foreign policy would be. Hey “Fuc__ You Russia,” “Up Yours China,” “Your Mother Wears Combat Boots Terrorists.”  And it would save us a lot of money — all we would need is some poster board and black markers.

This will make every comedian/humor writer in the world happy. Someone needs to tell Tina Fey she will be quite busy in the next months.

 

 

James Taylor Sings To The French

jamesJohn Kerry had James Taylor sing “You’ve Got A Friend” to the French. I suppose it’s a nice moment but personally I would have preferred Woody & Buzz Lightyear singing “You’ve Got A Friend In Me.” What struck me was what the article said under the video of James Taylor:

That’s Secretary of State John Kerry and his pal James Taylor in Paris, singing America’s condolences for the Charlie Hebdo massacre. Terror experts are unsure how the French will retaliate.

At first I thought they were wondering how the French would retaliate for having to listen to James Taylor. My mind goes places very few other have gone.

Is Humor A Rubber Sword?

charlie-brownAbout 15 or 20 years ago I was writing a description for a humor writing class I was going to be teaching at The Loft. I wrote for the opening line “Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.” I wasn’t trying to be deep or pithy – I was just writing an opening line.

A woman in Minneapolis was gathering quotes for a book that would feature a collection of quotes by women. She read the description and called to ask me if it was okay to use the quote in the book. I said fine and really hadn’t thought much of it until one day Reader’s Digest contacted me to ask if they could use the quote in their humor issue. I was flattered and said by all means use it.

It was at that point that the quote took on a life of it’s own. I just Googled “Humor is a rubber sword” and got 16,100 hits. It has been in tons of newspapers and magazines, an artist out east did a show based on the quote, and Barbara Bush even used it in her memoir. A few times it has been attributed to Mark Twain which I take as a great honor.

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It’s Thanksgiving Week

I started bringing out my Christmas decor on Sunday and putting away my fall decor. I listened to holiday songs and watched Elf. It’s a good feeling. Then I get a recorded phone call from some political polling group and the first question is “Do you plan on voting in the November 2012 election?” And my thought is … well Son of a Nutcracker. Let me at least get through the holidays before we start thinking about politics again. It’s bad enough there is another recount in Minnesota for governor.

I got a new chair on Saturday. It is a recliner that belonged to my friend’s mom (my sparent). She got a fancier one and offered this one to me. It’s electric and with a push of a button the back goes back and the feet come up. It is also one of those chairs that can lift you out of the chair — yes an old lady chair. Thankfully I don’t need it but some day if I do, I’ll have it. On the other hand it’s fun to try but you have to be ready to get up because the first time I used it I kind of fell out of the thing. Oh well, it’s an adventure. Last summer when my new friend Cameron, who is 3, was here he decided to give his great-grandma a ride on the chair. I looked over and poor Mrs. B was way up in the air hanging on for dear life. I thought she was going to fall splat on the ground. Really funny once it wasn’t scary.

So get ready for some good eating and whatever the week will bring.

I Can’t Believe You Said That

Well now my sight is joining my hearing on a different level of reality.  Ever since I had brain surgery in 2001 (see the icky picture below) I’ve had a slight hearing loss in my left ear.  You would think it would be annoying when in fact it makes life much more interesting.  You wouldn’t believe some of the things I’ve heard people say — or at least what I thought they said.

A couple of years ago a guy from our IT department was working on my computer.  While waiting for some program to load or unload or do some sort of thing he turned to me and asked “How do you like your printer?”  They had installed a printer/scanner at my desk a few weeks prior.  Unfortunately I thought he asked “How do you like your period?” Well, once I got over the oddity of the question I replied, as a post-menopausal woman would, “I don’t have one anymore.”  Now the printer was right in front of him, so he said “Sure you do,” and I replied “I think I would know if I did, and no I don’t.”  He then pointed to the printer and said “It’s right there.”  Well, I realized my hearing had led me down another ridiculous path.

So yesterday I’m walking past the coffee table in the reception room and saw the headline “House Agrees On Bowling Ball.”  I backed up to take another look and saw “House Agrees On Bailout Bond” or something like that.  You can understand my confusion, considering how politics are going today it’s possible the only thing they can agree on is a bowling ball, and then they would probably spend many days discussing 3-hole vs. 2-hole.  Of course, as far as I’m concerned, I would give most of them 1 hole and you can imagine which finger that would be for.