Hello Dayton

I have been saying “I’ll get back to writing my blog” since, well my last post was August of 2015. Hey, at least I didn’t wait a whole year. Good on me!!!!!!

So here I am at the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Conference where I paid a lot of money to learn about writing and what would be a better place to return to my blog than here and now.

erma2Here I am in lovely Dayton, Ohio. At the Minneapolis airport I was stopped at security and patted down and felt up. Never happened before. I am even prescreened for god’s sake!!!

I looked at the screen — which apparently is a no no because I was immediately told to turn around — and there were squares around my neck. I can’t figure out what was in there that would have set off an alarm. Perhaps I have too many skin tags and if I rub them together I could create some kind of spontaneous fire? I was asked to remove everything from my back pocket — I had no back pocket so I’m thinking butt cellulite perhaps showed up. They also rubbed something on the palms of my hands and then scanned it. Cootie checker? Perhaps I had rubbed Daisy’s belly one too many times. I don’t know.

I was finally cleared to pass. I was a little flustered so I sat down on these chairs right outside the scanning station — not on the metal benches they have so you can put your shoes back on but the padded chairs. I was sitting there about 30 seconds when this guy comes by driving one of the carts that takes people to their gate. He asked if I wanted a ride? I said no and wondered how frazzled I must have looked; then another guy came by and asked and then finally the third guy said they have to ask because I was sitting on the handicapped seats. I felt a bit redeemed that I didn’t look decrepit but a little foolish for not seeing the big handicap sign on the chairs next to me.

The little planes take off from Concourse A which is so far away from the main concourse that you are almost back home by the time you get there. I watched as the pilot arrived. He was a baby — I figured Doogie Howser was my pilot. I looked to see if there were training wheels on the plane.

I don’t like little planes — well I don’t like big planes either. More about my Erma adventures next time.

2 thoughts on “Hello Dayton

  1. On a serious note, every once in a while some people send off some strange ghosts when they turn up the sensitivity on their machines. On one trip I got scanned a total of 5 times in 3 different locations before the would let me on. Fertilizer will set them off. some bombs are made with fertilizer and diesel fuel. On a trip to Hawaii we were waiting in the final line and I heard the crew say that they had some extra time so they were ordered to take and pat down some more people. Real pat downs with hands and everything. This cute little Hawaiian gal, must have been about 16, asked me if i minded if she patted me down. Like an idiot Minnesotan, extra nice, Isaid OK so right there she started doing a full pat down. I commented that I would give her an hour and a half to stop that. She blushed up like a christmas tree. I felt bad after I said that. Oh well, Have fun at your dumb boring conference. I thought Erma was dead?

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