Changing Times

Today I was in the women’s restroom at a local restaurant and saw a changing table. These are such a nice amenity for moms who used to have to try to change a child on the floor of the bathroom while people walked around her as she was questioning all the decisions she had made in her life and longing for a strong adult drink. And this got me to thinking which, of course, got me to Googling, which got me here. Stay with me — I’m going somewhere with all of this.

I started wondering if there was a changing table in the men’s restroom. Now I haven’t been in a men’s room since the Bob Seger concert in 1987 when the line for the women’s room was too long and the beers in my bladder were too many so I boldly went where few women have gone before, and by “went” I mean the double entendre. So I truly didn’t know if there were changing tables in men’s rooms. I had a feeling if they were in men’s rooms they weren’t in very many. Then while Googling I found this on the Huffington Post:

On Oct. 7, President Obama signed into law the Bathrooms Accessible in Every Situation Act, aka the BABIES Act. This legislation requires that both men’s and women’s restrooms in publicly accessible federal buildings contain baby changing tables.

The entire article is here.   President Obama thought of everything except how to run for a third term (damn you Franklin Roosevelt for ruining this for us). Of course our current president will probably have this Act revoked by executive order because he doesn’t like anything that was enacted during the Obama administration, but until then it is the law.

After finding out about this law,  I found an article by a dad who was concerned that a changing table in a men’s room should be in an area that allows privacy. In this article “The Problem with Having Changing Tables in Men’s Restrooms (find it here), Jonathan Church stated:

I imagine it is rather unsettling for men relieving themselves in the restroom to be forced to maneuver around a table where a father is wiping down the private parts of an infant before applying a diaper, however deferential or understanding they may pretend to be.

I never realized how delicate men are when they are peeing. I have seen men peeing in public parks, at bus stops, on subway platforms, on buses, even into a beer cup at a rock concert (ironically the Bob Seger concert of 2016 but Kid Rock was the opener so I wasn’t all that surprised). So I guess I’m surprised at how a child having their diaper changed would be “unsettling” to men. And by “unsettling” does that mean it could result in an inability to vacate the bladder, visible shrinkage of the peepee, or could it result in CVSD (Changing Viewing Stress Disorder)?

Okay — I’m wrapping this up; thanks for hanging in with me. Today, seeing this changing table in the women’s restroom sent me on this journey. Why?

Because I know men, and I too have a concern about having this installed in a men’s restroom. It’s not because I think men are too fragile to witness a baby being changed; it is because I have a terrible feeling that intoxicated males will mistake it for a urinal. And wouldn’t that be sad. Maybe Jonathan Church was right and this should be hidden — drunk guys cannot be trusted.

If The Thrill Of Going Blind, Getting Hair On The Palms Of Your Hand, and Going Insane Isn’t Enough

n-MASTURBATE-large570The Huffington Post has an article on 13 Reasons Why Women Should Masturbate Regularly. I haven’t read it because I’m thinking one is enough. I’m actually sad that someone would have to be talked into it. It seems so obvious — who would need more than one reason. I’m sensing a series of articles:

  • 13 Reasons Why Women Should Brush Their Teeth
  • 13 Reasons Why Women Should Not Date Serial Killers
  • 13 Reasons Why Women Should Not Jump Into Hot Tar Pits

So these are my guesses at the 13 reasons:

  1. Duh!
  2. Anything to postpone cleaning the closets
  3. Nothing good on television
  4. Already on Santa’s naughty list so go for it
  5. Because Ted Cruz would disapprove
  6. You’ve gotta fever and no cow bell
  7. Keifer Sutherland (need I explain?)
  8. You’ve run out of chocolate
  9. The internet is down
  10. You’re on hold for customer service with Comcast
  11. All your eHarmony matches could be guest stars on Criminal Minds
  12. It’s the first day of the rest of your life so start it out with a bang (or sorts)
  13. The Huffington Post said you should

Of course there are some people busy somewhere (Fox News) preparing a new list — 13 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Masturbate Regularly:

  1. Puts pressure on men to do something other than the clapper (roll on/roll off/the clapper)
  2. Less time to do their housekeeping
  3. If God had wanted you to have orgasms you would be men
  4. Who is going to drive the car pool if women are all home getting jiggy with themselves
  5. Ted Cruz would disapprove
  6. There is laundry piling up
  7. We’re sure there’s something in the bible forbidding it
  8. You would muss up your housedress
  9. Because if you do, the terrorists win
  10. These floors aren’t going to mop themselves
  11. The Elf on the Shelf will report it to Santa
  12. That’s a man’s job (insert your own “job” joke here)
  13. That’s how communism gets a hold of you

Either way it’s obvious that Santa and Ted Cruz are involved in this discussion, and isn’t that sad.

santa cruz