I found my crown from my 50th birthday when I was looking through some boxes. You know I think I look gorgeous in a crown. I think we should all go through life wearing crowns.
I suppose if you wear a crown you have to be queen or king of something. At one point I appointed myself Office Queen where I work, but I’m willing to relinquish my title there — I’m tired of carrying my purse and waving as I walk down the halls. I’m not sure what I’d like to be queen of — queen of the world seems a little overwhelming, queen of the U.S. seems a little beauty queen (and I hate to ALWAYS be flaunting my beauty), and even the coveted Aquatennial Queen of Minneapolis requires you to be a little too perky for my tastes. In high school I wanted to be Homecoming Queen but that didn’t happen (damn you Nancy Baxter for stealing my thunder), I was Snowball Princess but that Kathy Nelson got to be Snowball Queen. I was Honored Queen for Bethel 18 of Jobs Daughters and that was cool — kind of bizarre but cool.
I think I’d like to be Bowling Queen, even though I haven’t bowled in years. I’d like to go from bowling alley to bowling alley and hang out with people who are having fun, drinking beer, and wearing funny shirts. This would be way better than being Triathlon Queen where you have to hang out with people who are sweating, in pain, and generally ready to throw up. They always look like they want to hurt me.
So go get yourself a crown. Everyone looks good in a crown. Look at how great my friend Peter looks in a crown.