Hello? Hello?

Well it’s gone — that bad tooth. I’m surprised there isn’t a reality show about dentists called When Teeth Go Bad.

Quite a little adventure it was. I have a feeling this office wasn’t use to someone who, well, is like me. I’m sitting alone in the reception area where, by the way of course they have the most beautiful receptionist — long blond hair, tan, young, and big white teeth — makes you immediately want to impale yourself on a water pik. So I’m sitting there and the nurse opens the door and says, to the crowd, “Mary? Mary?” I start looking around and say, humorously, “She changed her mind and went home” so the nurse says “Okay” and leaves the room. I have to open the door and shout for her “Hey, I was just kidding.” Makes me kind of nervous that apparently its not such a strange thing for people to walk out on them.

She takes my blood pressure and surprisingly it’s high. “Do you have high blood pressure?” she asks. “Only when someone is about to yank a tooth out of my mouth,” I reply. I guess I’m the first patient they ever had who gets nervous. Well they put the big bib on me and the dentist comes in, a nice guy, and says “So we’re going to remove a tooth today?” Of course I can’t just say “Yes” and say something clever like “No I’m here for a colonoscopy.” Fortunately he seems to have a sense of humor and doesn’t jab me too hard with the Novocaine needle. “We’ll let that work and then I’ll be back.”

Five minutes go by, 10 minutes, 15 minutes no one comes back. Even though I’m not looking forward to the procedure I would just as soon get it over with so I can get my strawberry shake and go on with my life. I start saying, first softly then a little louder, “Hello, hello, anyone out there?” No reply. “Yoo hoo, hello.” Nothing. They apparently all went to lunch and forgot about me. Finally someone comes in and asks how I’m doing. I asked where everyone went. “Oh we’re being pulled in a lot of directions.” I was the only person in the waiting room — how many directions can they be pulled. Is there a poker game? A good movie? Krispy Kremes in the shape of bicuspids?

Well eventually the dentist showed up and gave me another shot that hurt like hell. He said it would “sting a bit.” I advised him that he was no longer my friend when he told me that he’s given himself that same shot just to practice. That didn’t really make me feel better. And then in about one minute it was over. He said “Guess what?” I said “It’s a boy?” and we said Mazel tov and went on our separate ways.

The real pain would come later when the Yankees beat the Twins 4-3. I HATE THE YANKEES! Pass the Novocaine.

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