Tonight at my pet loss grief support group our facilitator Ken, who is a really nice guy, was saying that the pain of grief is intense but in all the years he’s done this he’s seen people come out as better people.
When it came my turn to talk I just had to clear something up. I told Ken that with regard to coming out a better person, I would just as soon stay the same old schmuck that I am and have my dog back. Ken indicated that wasn’t an option. Well that sucks.
I’ve grown up with the wisdom of “no pain, no gain.” And that is probably true for people in the 20s, 30s and even 40s, it was for me, but I’m 57 years old and I really have no interest in any more “gaining.” My wisdom is “no pain, yippee.”
Oh I’m not saying I couldn’t improve or get better — I certainly could — but to tell you the truth, I kind of don’t give a shit. I’m pretty happy and okay with who I am today. If I get better — alright big points for me, but I have no plans to try to find myself or explore the deeper recesses of my psyche. I’m in touch with my inner child and she’s screaming “No more pencils, no more books” and wants a permanent summer vacation (and to live in an ice cream factory) — especially if this current “learning experience” is any indication of what could be involved.
This could change — who knows — but today, if given the option, I’d like to spend a little more time on the playground before the next bell rings.