Oh, oh I need a wife

I usually do laundry on Friday but for some reason last Friday I decided I just didn’t want to do my laundry. Well tomorrow, I’ll be going commando when doing my laundry because I’ll be out of luck and underwear. I used to work with a woman, Lou, who would just keep buying new underwear rather than do her laundry. She said she had about 40 pairs of underpants. I haven’t gotten to that point but it’s a thought.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you didn’t have to do all the stuff that seems to take up our precious free time like laundry, dishes, picking up, cleaning, shopping, cooking — oh who am I fooling with cooking. But I wish I could afford to get me a wife to do all this stuff for me. Oh I guess I can. Yes, you too can rent-a-wife to do all your tasks such as:

Organize Closets, Clothes, Cabinets and More…
Shop for Gifts, Food, Furniture, Hardware and More…
Interior Decoration – Staging Furniture, Maximize Your Space
Party Planning
Choose Gorgeous Paint Colors for Every Room
Charity Donation Drop Offs
Bake Cupcakes for School Functions
Meal Planning and Grocery Shopping
Pick Up and Drop Off Dry Cleaning
Last Minute Costco Run for Your Bbq or Big Event
Pick Up and Drop Off Your Kids from Soccer, School, Daycare
Office Administration, Filing, Scheduling, Shredding
Bouncer of Ideas
Mind Management
Phone Caller
Order Taker
Gift Wrapper
Clear Out the Garage
Walk the Dog, Feed the Kitties, Run To The Vet
Make Things Pretty
Packing and Unpacking A Move
Ikea Shopping Mate & Assembly
Create a Photo, Book Or Music Library
Errand Runner

I think my two “favorites” are “Clear Out The Garage” and “Make Things Pretty.” Notice she isn’t cleaning out the garage she will be clearing out the garage which to me means she’s going to steal your car and sell your stuff. And as for “Make Things Pretty” I’m not sure that “things” need to be prettied-up. It’s hard to make a pile of dirty laundry “pretty” or a room filled with old pizza boxes and beer cans may not have “pretty” potential. I have no idea how your wife would accomplish “Mind Management.” I guess she could keep saying “Stop thinking about that!!!!”

I have a feeling if you gave this list to most wives, they would be surprised to see that these are the tasks that they have been assigned. In fact I think the average wife whether a stay-at-home wife or a wife who works outside the home would take a look at this list and add one more “task” — laugh in your face.