Son Of A Stag Party

A local magazine recently featured different ideas for kids’ birthday parties. There were traditional ideas such as clowns, ponies, facepainting and storytellers. There were also unique ideas such as art parties and a cooking school that let the party goers make their own lunch. But what caught my eye were two companies that offered “little girls, ages four and up…the full ‘beauty’ treatment” or gave “your little beauties…the cover girl treatment,” including a mini-makeover.

Now you may think it bothers me that girls are being socialized so early to believe that beauty is a measure of worth, but that isn’t the case at all. Everyone knows you can never learn too early how to properly de-emphasize a large nose or create expressive eyes. In fact, I’m repulsed to think there could be defenseless girls walking around who have no idea how to properly use an eyelash curler.

What does bother me is the lack of great parties like this for little boys. How will they ever grow up to be manly men without the benefit of early learning experiences. So I did some investigating and came-up with a few party ideas for those “little hunks” of yours:

JIFFY LUBE: Your little mechanics will be feeling their oats after they’ve been down in the pits changing oil and greasing a few chassis. The little grease monkeys will love playing What’s in the Glove Compartment and Spin the Hubcap. Each guest will go home with an air freshener to hang from the rear view mirror, a can of car wax, and a dirty blue shirt with the name “Duke” embroidered on it. This party is guaranteed to be an accelerating experience for every little boy.

AFTERNOON AT A SPORTS BAR: Your “little jocks” can slam down a few root beer-skis while a former jock tells them about life as a pro. This informative lecture is followed by a round of games including a Belch-off, Name That Beer Motto and, of course, a couple hands of five card stud. Each little jock will go home with a Root Beer-Belly Bear and a souvenir nut cup.

AIR FORCE RESERVE BASE: Your “little cadets” will learn a close order drill, run a wacky obstacle course, and get the “tatoo” of their choice painted on their chests. Lunch will be hot dogs on a shingle served on tin trays. There is even a special birthday cake decorated with camouflage icing and candles that look like miniature patriot missiles.

Parents, don’t clown around with our boys and girls, give them a party they’ll carry with them forever.