a. I’m constipated
b. I had a vision of Dick Cheney in a thong
c. Someone is trying to make me eat mayonnaise
d. My face has imploded
e. I’m going into work
You make the call. Gee, perhaps I can get a gig on ESPN doing faces and letting viewers “make the call.” Well perhaps if I was 25, blond, and looked like Heidi Klum — of course if I was 25, blond, and looked like Heidi Klum I could go on ESPN and read the phonebook and get paid millions. No fair, no fair.