Want to know a secret?

In a weak moment I volunteered to be on a committee for a conference that is this Thursday. It was an excellent learning experience for me and reminded me to NEVER NEVER EVER VOLUNTEER TO BE ON A COMMITTEE AGAIN.

I’m not a good committee person — I mean I have great ideas and people go with other ideas — what’s wrong with them?!?! I think in most instances people are better off with a benevolent dictator telling them what to do than with a committee of people who are trying to “come to a consensus.” Oh sure you try to do that in a democracy but look at where it’s gotten us. Our current consensus government couldn’t agree that the sky is blue, the grass is green, and women should never have to pay taxes.

So at our last meeting it was decided we would write a question on the name tag as an ice breaker. I suggested “where is the kinkiest  place you’ve had sex” but the consensus was to go with something else.  So instead we are answering “what is something about yourself that you’ve told anyone.” Who the hell is going to tell a total stranger about something that they’ve never told their best friend, besides Catholics who go to confession and tell the truth?

So this leaves me with a world of possibilities for my answer to this question. Some possibilities are:

  • I’m going to kill my family and eat them for Thanksgiving — shhhh don’t tell
  • I am a man trapped in a woman’s body and I can’t help fondling her breasts
  • I was sent here to save your soul
  • I suffer from vaginal dryness
  • My thighs are brought to you by Jell-O pudding
  • I’ve never felt this attracted to a stranger before
  • I like to shove Skittles up my nose and shoot them out at people

Oh the possibilities are endless. If you have any suggestions, let me know. Send them here.